by Christina Young (LCSW), Cristina Young Therapy
It’s SO overwhelming to face the long day with little ones and to know there will be multiple, long days in a row while school is out. These trying times seem to be exactly when moms should allow themselves to operate with the “everyone gets a hall pass” approach.
While you want to maintain some semblance of order, schedules, and routines, plan not to be rigid. That stance will only backfire on you. Choose compassion, instead. Compassion for yourself that you have suddenly been assigned the FULL-TIME role of camp counselor, teacher, chef, referee, recess attendant, emotional manager, and smiling Mom/Wife for all. This will be a delicate balancing act. Proceed carefully and slowly, and with nothing but kindness toward yourself. I always tell my moms in my groups, if you are a decent mom one out of ten times, that’s a nice start.
Here are some tips to bolster you as you tiptoe lightly into this new terrain:
3. Ask kids who are old enough to turn into little documentarians. They can film themselves/parents/siblings’ stating the day of the week, their mood, their goal for the day, a success from yesterday, a surprise from yesterday, something funny, etc. Again, I would throw this on a schedule so that it’s happening the same time each day because the routine gives kids (and you) a feeling of safety, comfort, and security.
4. Make a list of things that need to happen by the end of the week, by each kid, but they can choose the order. Things like: write a letter to your grandparent and learn to address the envelope properly, make a phone call to a cousin and tell them about the week, listen to one story on Audible and draw a picture about the story, listen to 4-5 songs on Spotify or Pandora (that Mom helps set up) and decide which song you like best and be able to state exactly why and which instruments you heard in the song, and did the song tell a story. Present the song and your thoughts at dinner that night. Write a letter of thanks to one of your favorite teachers. Bake cookies for the mailman. Make homemade granola for the bus driver and jot him a note about why he matters to you.
5. Require little steps for mastery each day. Practice tying shoes 5 times (for the littlest ones) or put up a big map of the U.S. on a wall and play the “map game” where you name a city/country and they have to find it. Challenge them to memorize all the states/capitals on one side of the U.S. by Friday. Multiplication tables challenge. Use a timer for your more competitive kids.
6. Set up your own, daily, DEAR (drop everything and read) time where you and the kids are all silent, in the playroom or family room, together, with a timer, reading for 15-30 minutes (depending on ages) at the same time each day. Again, we love schedules.
7. Order chalk and have a chalk-drawing station on the driveway. Hopscotch? Four square?
8. Buy a set of jacks and teach them how to play jacks on the kitchen floor.
9. Pile them in the car when you start losing it, blast some music and drive around. The rule of thumb is when you start feeling low on patience, get out of the house. Play Audible or music in your car and drive and drive. Get out on the backroads and look for some calm. Play a game where each kid gets a point for every horse spotted.
10. For Fairfield/Westchester folks, don’t forget about places like Pepsico Gardens in Purchase. You can spend hours there if the weather is decent. And, of course, visit Tod’s Point. North Mianus is a great hike that little kids can handle, and Blue Hill at Stone Barns has an amazing property to walk around to tire the little ones out. Head up to Woodland Park in Darien for a very manageable walk in the woods.
11. I would sample every open outdoor space–Order pizza lunch to be delivered to the park or your backyard, but first wipe down those grimy hands!
12. Maybe it’s time to run to CVS or Walgreens to stock up on little bribes (think nail polish, lip gloss, toy truck, pack of Lifesavers, new set of colored pencils). Perhaps you can set up a Quarantine Calendar–almost like an Advent Calendar? (Great suggestion from one of the Moms in one of my parenting groups).
13. Make a huge poster with your kids entitled: Quarantine-Be-Done and write out all the days ahead. Wake up each morning and ceremoniously draw a huge X through each day to help the little ones understand and track the passing of time.
14. Vow to learn a new card game each day the kids are forced to stay home. Get online and start reading up on card games.
15. Commit to learning one new word with your kids each day of the quarantine: a new vocabulary word? A new Spanish word? French? Italian? Chinese?
16. Ask your kids to become little botanists. Send them on a hunt in your yard to identify every type of tree on your property by photographing the leaves and looking online to find the match. Task them to crafting tree necklaces that identify the Latin name of each tree that they can hang on the trees.
17. Make a huge photo collage for Dad for his birthday or for Father’s Day (get organized early!) Ask them to cut up old photos (with your permission) and to cut out words they like from magazines/newspaper or they can print words.
18. Require one interview per day per child. Depending on the age of your child, they can record it or type it up. Ask them to call relatives with a list of five strong questions that will allow them to learn more about each relative.
19. Clean out old picture books and prepare a box to donate. Allow each child to keep a certain # of favorites. Can they read them aloud, with expression, and create their own Audible versions of their favorite picture books to share with others?
20. Any chance you can see this forced togetherness as a gift? Probably not if you’re exhausted or have an infant who isn’t sleeping through the night yet. See if you can adjust your expectations ever so slightly so that you can find some joy or at least humor within the chaos.
Good luck!
Cristina Young is a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) in private practice in Greenwich, CT. Cristina has more than 25 years experience providing professional support to children, adolescents, adults, and families in a variety of settings, including schools, hospitals, and residential treatment centers. She has lived and worked in the Fairfield County area for almost 20 years. Prior to opening her private practice, Cristina worked as a parenting educator, school counselor, admissions officer, and teacher. Cristina received her Master’s in Social Work from the University of Southern California and her bachelor’s and teaching degree from Barnard College, Columbia University. She and her husband have three children, ages 20, 18, and 15.
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