Rebuilding an Authentic Life, Post-Pandemic | Stamford Moms

by Carolyn Kagan, Alliance Therapy Practice

Hey Mama,

How are you holding up? Are you tired of that question yet? I already know your heart has been heavy these days because mine is too, being 
cut off from our normal routines and support networks, while the demands of life have increased exponentially. Not just practically speaking either, like home schooling, managing your household, procuring food, but emotionally too with caring for loved ones from afar and grappling with serious fears about health, safety, and economic insecurity on top of all the grief and loss. We are doing what was unthinkable just a few short months ago. I know we are not through the storm yet, but at some point we’re going to be and I’ve been thinking that I want us to be ready. 

In some time another major adjustment will be on our horizon. This time for the better and we’ll  have more time and in some ways, more agency to better prepare for it. Similar to your journey to motherhood, I think we are best suited when that process is done with careful thought and consideration and with your unique needs at the forefront. Knowing all the while that it might look differently than anyone else’s, including the person you were when this all began. 


I know you’re desperate to get back to “normal”, but let’s take a minute to craft our re-entry with what we’ve learned about ourselves (and will probably continue to learn). Doing so will ensure the best possible outcome which is a life that is more true to our core values and therefore more sustainable this time.  Let’s not speed through this often overlooked part of the journey. Let’s begin to process this experience, what it means, how we’ve been changed and rebuild our lives, since you are fortunate to be here to do it. That simply can’t happen unless we integrate the old with the new, leaving behind what does not serve us and carrying forth what is most genuine to us. 


So where would you even find that information? Fortunately, this exact space in between is rich with data because there’s nothing like a global pandemic to reveal what is most important to us. There’s  no need to look any further than within yourself or to the faces of your loved ones to figure it out. It comes through the things you miss the most, the things you’ve realized you can and cannot live without, your gratitude list, the highs and lows that are shared at the dinner table each night, it comes through the people you reach for daily through the group texts and zoom calls, and through the strength, agility and resourcefulness that you have realized within yourself. Take back what you need and bring in the new to create a life that is more fulfilling for yourself and ultimately your family too. 


It’s just like that time your little one was building that block tower, how proud and excited they were. Moments later it all came crashing down and the emotions followed. That child is basically all of us right now. I want you to try to recall how you comforted them and in which ways you encouraged them to rebuild, but this time stronger and wiser. 


Here are 3 questions that might get you thinking:

  1. What aspects of your old life have you learned to do without?
  2. What is this time revealing to me about what is most important?
  3. How might I tell the story of this time to my children who are too young to remember or my future grandchildren? 

Carolyn offers both individual and group therapy.
Contact her by calling, (203) 921-6653
or by emailing, [email protected].

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