“Mom groups” are an unexpectedly tricky part of parenting that we all experience in one way or another on our journey. That’s why the recent essay written by Ashley Tisdale French on The Cut, “Breaking Up with My Toxic Mom Group” has been widely shared in the news and on social media. Not only was her group seemingly pretty A-list, with Mandy Moore, Hilary Duff and Meghan Trainor all pictured in previous group snaps on Instagram, but even more importantly, we can all relate to the unwanted drama. As Ashley wrote, “I’m far from the only mother who’s been brought to tears by members of a group that’s supposed to lift everyone up.”
The trouble for Ashley and her mom crew started when she began getting left out of some group gatherings. She wrote: “All of a sudden, I was in high school again, feeling totally lost as to what I was doing ‘wrong’ to be left out.”
Since we’ve been forwarded The Cut article a dozen times and counting, it got us thinking – what do we want and need in mom friends? And what don’t we want? Our parent company, The Local Moms Network came up with a list of Mom Friends Wants & Nots (and I couldn’t agree with them more)!
Wants
Passes No Judgement
Of course, you may gravitate towards mom with similar parenting styles as yours. But good mom friends won’t blink an eye when you stray from theirs. The very best would basically rather hide a body rather than criticize you.
Loves Your Kids
Coparenting, creating a village, whatever you want to call it – parenting together is more fun and less stress than doing it on your own. When you find people who “get” your kids and love them like their own, you’ve hit the mom friend lottery.
Keeps You in the Loop
Whether it’s for a mom’s night out, sports sign up for your kids, or just a reminder that there’s a PTA meeting or Science Fair coming up, great mom friends check in, touch base and are inclusive. Motherhood can be isolating and the biggest benefit of mom friends is minimizing that.
Nots
Mean Girls
Ashley talked about this in her essay; mean girls are best left to high school and Lindsay Lohan movies. Worrying about getting left out, gossiped about or worse is just something you don’t have time for now that you’re a mom,
Competitive Vibes
If someone in your world is constantly trying to act like she’s a better mom, more successful with her career, has a happier marriage, chances are she’s insecure. Social media exacerbates this and you don’t need this kind of negativity in your life.
They Bring You Down
If a mom friend always makes you feel bad, whether it’s an anxious friend who puts a new worry in your ear every time you’re together or a friend who just takes more of your energy than she gives, it might be time to distance yourself a bit.